Finding the Perfect Gift for Your Special Someone

I am not a good gift giver. A few years ago, I was hunting around for the perfect gift to give my one true love, who had a beautiful head of hair. I’d caught her eyeing this set of natural diamond encrusted tortoiseshell combs which she and I both dreamt of pulling through her luscious, cascading hair. The combs were well out of my budget, but it became one of those things, you know? I had this watch that had been in my family for a couple of generations, but I didn’t wear it because I didn’t have a proper strap for it. I pawned the watch and used the cash to buy the combs for my beloved. Well, I awoke Christmas morning to find she had shaved her head, sold her lustrous locks to a bespoke wig maker, and used the money she’d received to buy me a suitable strap for my grandfather’s watch!

Okay, I may have borrowed that story from O. Henry (does it bother anyone else that the girl’s hair will grow back but the watch is gone forever?). But it is true that I am not a good gift giver, and that most things are out of my budget. I’ve been coasting on the engagement ring I gave my wife but that was five years ago and I think it might be time to get back on my game. You may be wondering why you should bother reading a guide written by someone who isn’t good at giving gifts – well, if you are already fluent in this particular love language, then read no further. But if you, like me, find your mind goes completely blank when you try to envision your someone special unwrapping something that genuinely delights them, then maybe we can figure this out together. It’s wonderful to receive something precious and valuable, so of course you can always take that well-traveled path. But I think you can enhance the value and meaning of your gift if you can find a way to link it to a memory specific to your relationship.

I have received wonderful gifts despite my assurances that she needn’t get me anything. Early in our relationship, Laura tracked down a first edition of my favorite book, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. I felt molecularly known. For my thirtieth birthday, she got me a vintage Rolex. I’d never been a Watch Guy, and now I never leave home without its majestic weight wrapped around my wrist. Ideally, a traditional gifting occasion – like the rapidly approaching holidays – should not feel like a negative space you have to fill, or an obligation, but rather an opportunity to show your person that you truly know who they are.

I highly recommend you pull out your phone right now and create a new note titled “Gift Ideas” and make a habit of adding to it when you see them get excited about something – maybe their favorite band just announced a reunion tour, or maybe you see them light up and point at a particular display in a jewelry store window. This is a good idea to start doing now, but it won’t pay off until further down the road. I know, I know – you’re desperate for guidance, and you’re losing faith that I have any sort of life raft to toss you. Listen: if you’ve found yourself a nice life partner, then the humming and drumming of your daily life together is certainly littered with beautiful natural diamonds of opportunity.

Now usually I dig up one of these moments, fold a piece of paper in half, illustrate it crudely, and write a loving message. I am a staunch believer in the power of a handmade card, regardless of your artistic or literary prowess. An example: Laura has a beautiful antique French opaline lamp. I recently brought it to a hardware store to replace the socket. While it was there awaiting service, someone knocked it over and broke it. Not good! Here is a card I might make to help salve the wound. 

A bit glib, and in this case maybe a bit too soon. But just imagine Laura reading this note and giving me a wan smile but still grimacing at the destruction of her beloved lamp. As she takes a breath to thank me for the thoughtful card, I cut her off and say, “Sometimes a thing has to break apart for you to see the beautiful parts that make it up,” and I pull this bad boy from behind my back.

This Geometric Diamond Neckpiece by Australian jeweler Stefano Canturi showcases the beauty of asymmetry and rough edges. It won’t put the lamp back together, but the hundreds of round brilliant-cut natural diamonds set in white gold links will probably help ease the pain. It even has a handy sapphire baguette to help you find the clasp! What I love most about a lot of Canturi’s designs is that they look like they crash-landed from outer space and exploded into their form, which is why I thought of them for this first vignette.

During a trip up to Massachusetts to visit my family, I realized a bit late that I’d accidentally booked the rental car for a day longer than I’d meant to. Instead of returning to New York as planned, we boarded a ferry to Martha’s Vineyard because Laura wanted to visit the general store where Larry David screamed at Alan Dershowitz. We drove a bit, strolled a bit, and ended the day licking ice cream cones as the sun was setting. In my fantasy of holiday heroism, I retell that story to my wife and then present her with this set of Marie-Hélène de Taillac’s Diamonds Dancing Emilie Earrings.

I know they are elegant chandeliers of natural diamonds set in yellow gold, but to me, they are the ice cream cones we enjoyed on Martha’s Vineyard during the bonus day of our vacation. These would set me back $12,000 but by imbuing them with this story, they would become priceless.

Laura and I were aboard our honeymoon cruise around the Mediterranean and docked on the Greek isle of Spetses. We strolled to the restaurant we’d gotten excited about only to find it was closed that day. We wandered a bit and eventually found our way to a small touristy restaurant on the water patrolled by a lone grumpy-looking Greek man. We made friends with an orange cat under our table which turned out to be the guardian of our salty waiter’s heart. “Most people think he’s mangy because his fur sticks up – but it’s just because of the salt. Every morning, he jumps in the ocean to fish,” he explained proudly. We sat for three hours eating, drinking, tossing crumbs to the fish, and petting the orange cat, basking in the smug glow of knowing we had skipped nimbly over the threshold separating bland tourists from appreciative guests.

Before he hugged us goodbye, our waiter introduced us to the kittens, who were closely guarded by their one-eyed mother. That afternoon is one of my absolute most treasured memories, and it wouldn’t have happened if our original plan had worked out. I would like to tell Laura this story she already knows, drawing out every detail, and then present her with this 1960’s Boucheron cat brooch whose face is encrusted, not in Aegean Sea spray, but rather round-cut natural diamonds.Maybe I am a good gift giver, I’m just missing the $7,000 in disposable income to realize it.

These are the events that make your relationship special and make your relationship yours. Not just the traditional milestones, but the yards and inches between them. Scroll through your photo roll and hunt for a moment where you know you were both feeling the same wonderful gratitude for each other. Or maybe there’s a broken lamp you can replace with something even better.

Maybe you went to your friend’s child’s birthday party and while you were resting out in the yard, you noticed that one of the children left their bubble soap and wand unattended in the grass. You picked it up and took turns blowing bubbles for the first time in who knows how many years and for a moment suspended in time felt like a kid with your crush. That could be a nice memory to commemorate with the Maggi Simpkins Bubble Ring. This 1-carat pear shaped white natural diamond inlaid in Australian opal would sit nicely on your beloved’s finger and remind both of you to always look for and cherish moments of childlike joy together.

You don’t have to have a story. I don’t think there’s any way the million-dollar Maggi Simpkins In Bloom Ring could land badly. The 2.43-carat fancy pink natural diamond set in petals of rubies and pink sapphires tells a good enough story on its own. 

But if I had the budget for this ring, I would want a way to make it especially hers instead of just saying, “Hey, I love you a million dollars’ worth.” Perhaps she has been struggling for years to tend to a garden of begonias but has never managed to balance the pH of the soil. Well, this ring will be ‘in bloom’ for all eternity, as is my love for you, darling.

I know from experience that it can be easy to fall into the trap of feeling obligated but uncertain about how to give a meaningful gift to someone you love. I think you can escape from that trap by taking a couple of minutes to think about what you want your gift to mean and work from there. I think about how grateful I am to share this journey of life with someone grateful to share it with me. So, take a moment to reflect and find a moment that you shared, something that you only remember because you went through it together that otherwise might have just faded into the background hum of existing.

And you can bring an object of value into the relationship to commemorate this, like this pair of platinum and 1.4-carat heart shaped diamond stud earrings. Because nice things are nice, and they last, and they hold their value. Just find something that helps you tell the person you love that you specifically love them. And trust me on the homemade card.